Why quitting meat was the easiest and hardest thing I’ve ever done.

First, let me remind everybody that this blog is called FALLEN vegan.

I fell hard last week. I had a chicken breast. Well, a whole chicken breast, so two tits. Not giant breasts, maybe a B cup. I grilled them on an Ikea grill pan, served it with half an avocado, a crusty piece of French bread, and a side salad with cherry tomatoes. (No dressing because, well, I’m on a diet. LMFAO!)

I don’t know why, but after a month of not eating meat, taking my first bite made me nervous. I took a pinch of chicken that fell off the breast while grilling and CAREFULLY put it to my lips. I’ve eaten meat my entire life, but I was nervous when eating this chicken. That tells me my psychological perception of meat has changed. That’s good, right?

It was delish, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. I imagined it to be this fantastic, amazing, mind blowing food I was denying myself, but it wasn’t. It was good, very tasty, but not what I remembered. How can food perception change so much in a month?

The next morning, and there will be people who will say I’m exaggerating, but I promise I’m not, the next morning I woke up feeling puffy, tired, almost drugged. I honestly felt like I’d been drinking the night before. WTF?!

Oh, and I had my meal with a regular Coke. Not diet Coke, not some pure cane sugar, semi-healthy alternative. Coke. The Real Thing. I know, fuck that diet. Fuck it hard, fuck it all angry and shit. Fuck it like I caught it cheating with my best friend.

It’s been a few days since I ate the chicken. Since that meal, I’ve found myself pinning images of fluffy chickens. (aka guilt pins) I’ve also gone back to an almost exclusively vegan diet.

Almost. I had tzatziki sauce with my falafels last night.

That was fine, because I made a choice to eat some dairy, but then I noticed, after the meal, the pita bread had honey. Why? Why did you feel the need to sneak bee puke into my meal you crazy pita bread company? I bought your bread because the entire pack was 99 cents. Don’t make me buy a more expensive brand just to avoid your honey. Seriously. Please. Why can’t you be vegan AND cheap?

Most importantly, since that meal, I’ve realized I don’t miss meat nearly as much as I imagined. I miss the idea* of eating meat, but not the meat itself. I guess it’s true that if you do something for a month, it becomes a habit.

I’m not a quitter, but I’m working on it!

*An aside note, I just found out A1 sauce is vegan. OMG! I think I should buy stock in Kraft because I’m going to become an uber consumer of their product. Is it wrong to put A1 on a tomato and cucumber salad? How about A1 on toast? How about A1 on EVERYTHING!

Does Amazon deliver A1 by the case? Does Amazon Prime deliver A1 by the case, cause I need that sauce pronto. A1… it’s not just for steak.

You know those folks who carry around Sriracha on a key chain. Do they have itty-bitty A1 key chains? Can you gain weight eating too much A1?

I’ll report back next week and let you know.

Panera Raspberry Dressing makes me fall

Honey I’m home!

Honey. Everyone loves honey. We dream of bathing in milk and honey. Golden honey, golden like the sun. Sweet honey, sweet like a field of flowers. Honey is amazing, honey is heaven sent, honey is not vegan. FML! #BeeLivesMatter

So, it’s early on in my Vegan life and I’m still learning what I can and can’t eat. I knew I’d have items at home that I’d need to pitch. To be honest, salad dressing wasn’t on the top of my list. To be perfectly honest, it never even crossed my mind.  Who thinks about what’s in your salad dressing? It goes on salad, it must be good for you, right?

I love this dressing and in a desperate attempt to hang on to anything sweet, I took a nervous look at the bottle and… DANG! Now I know why I love this dressing so much… it’s got honey. Oh fine! Sure! It’s got to have honey. #FML #SweetSorrow

Dang it! V for vegetarian, not vegan. It is DF (dairy free) so that’s good, but it has honey. This. This is why I’m a fallen vegan. I love honey.

Dang it, dang it, dang it! I feel like the bees know we like honey, so they make extra liquid gold for us thieving, no good, honey snatching humans.

Honey isn’t an easy give.

A “give” is something I’m willing to give up for the rest of my life. I don’t think I’m ok with saying no more honey forever and ever amen. It’s not a give, it’s a later. I’m not going to have it today, but later… yes.

That being said, honey isn’t an easy “later” either, but it’s do-able. Today it’s do-able. *sigh*

Honey: Fallen Score 7 out of 10