Feisty = Feel The Burn

My ‘fake’ meat got a little touchy and aggressive. Maybe I’m just being sensitive, but I think it potentially got “ballsy” with me. My Beyond Meat was really friggin’ spicy and I couldn’t do a fair job judging it’s fake meatiness because it was so dang hot-hot-hot-hot! #FeistyMeat2K16 #FeelTheBernBurn

feist·y

ˈfīstē/

adjective

informal

 

1. (of a person, typically one who is relatively small or weak) lively, determined, and courageous.

   “a feisty heroine who’s more than a pretty face”

   synonyms:

   spirited, spunky, plucky, gutsy, gutty, ballsy “the part of Annie called for a just-so balance of adorable and feisty”

   • touchy and aggressive.

     “he got a bit feisty and tried to hit me”

Looking at the above definition, I’d think ‘feisty’ might be a step above medium. Not quite HOT, but feisty. I wasn’t aware that “feisty” was code for burn the house down! Does this particular ‘fake meat’ normally burn your pie hole hella bad? I feel like I got an overly spiced batch of spirited, spunky, gutsy mouth-burning-fuckery.

And yes, I know I said I wanted to try spicy foods, but I wish I was aware of the spice before putting said pie hole burning matter in my tender little mouth. Granted, maybe all I needed to know was in the name, it does say “Feisty” on the package, but really… how smart does this company think I am?

I don’t see any flames, or red lettering on the packaging. Oh, you say there’s hot peppers in the photo on the label? Really? (Pauses for a moment to look at food packaging.) Yeah, well… ok. Now I see it.

Here’s a tip for this and any other company interested, maybe subtle isn’t the way to go when advertising spice levels in foods.

I’m going to say this was a miss and not a hit. I’ll try the other not so ‘feisty’ crumble, but this little adventure in fake meat has put me off to being adventurous. I might just stick with the chicken tenders and the veggie burgers until I’m ready to kick the ‘fake meat’ habit for good.

Walking the line

Now I’ve got ALL new goodies. Unpacked and ready to go. I’ve picked up Miyoko’s cheese, I’ve got my crumbles, and I even have ice cream. I have no excuse.

I want cheese.

Everything will be alright. I have my dairy substitutes, and your meat substitutes, (I’ll try not to say “fake” but you and I both know these things are fake!) I have everything I need for vegan meals for days and days. Unless I make an effort to go out and buy more food, I should be fine. I can theoretically keep up a totally vegan life.

I still want cheese. #FreeCheese2K16.

Here’s a problem I’ve run into. I’m sure many of you already know how to deal with this, but this is a new issue for me. I have another person in this house. My mother is almost vegetarian, but she’s not a vegan. That means I haven’t purged the house. It also means I have so many temptations, it’s ridiculous.

I know by the time I stop typing this blog entry, my fallen vegan counter is going back to ZERO days because I saw bbq chips in the kitchen and the ingredients say the package contains a milk ingredient, and I’m, not even sure what that means anymore but I know it’s not vegan it it pisses me off!

I’m a little pissed because:

1. Why add a milk ingredient and not even drop a hit as to what that oh-so-secret ‘ingredient’ my actually consist of.
2. I still have chips, and I still have dressing, and I still have all these little triggers and forgotten moments and intentional “oops!” moments where I’ll eat something I know has an egg or milk and I can’t just remove all the temptations and it’s killing me.
3. I’m pissed off that I’m letting another person’s choices effect the way I make my choices. The way I choose to eat is my responsibility. Period, end of. In other words, I’m pissed because I know I’m weak.
4. And because I know I’m weak, I want a 100% vegan home, but it’s not going to happen and I need to learn to live with that fact.
5. I’m still super overweight and watching the cashier as she watched me putting all these super healthy foods on the counter, and then watching the confused look on her face… If you’ve ever been a big gal trying to eat healthy, you know what I’m talking about, right?

For some reason, I feel a little stressed. Could it be the hour and a half wait I had yesterday for my emissions test? Could it be I’m always broke? Could it be I’m in need of a vacation while technically on a vacation?

UMMM… yeah! Boo-hoo for you!* Now go eat some chips!

*sometimes I hate my inner voice!

Anyway, except for the chips, today I’ll be able to say, “I walked the line.”

Fake chicken tenders

The good news: the fake chicken was good. The bad news: the fake chicken was good.

This blog isn’t about finding the best fake meat. It’s about learning how to be a vegan, how to fall and most importantly, how to pick myself up and start all over again. I want to be a good vegan. I want to eat clean healthy food. My new self is excited about this new chapter in my life.

My old self wants some meat.

But, I’m not gonna to let my old self win… not today. Maybe later, but today I’m eating vegan.

So I stopped on the way home and picked up a bag of Gardein chicken tenders, and a bag of tater tots. It’s was almost 90 degrees today, but tonight, the oven is on and the fake meat is getting crispy.

Enjoyed the “chicken” with Heinz ketchup and Open Pit Original. Don’t tell me these aren’t vegan, I don’t want to know right now.

Is it good? Mmmm yeah. The crisp crust was better than expected. The fake meat tasted like chicken. It tasted kind of like cheap chicken nuggets with lots of fillers. So this really passed as bad chicken. Is that a good thing? That’s another story.

Chicken Tenders: Fallen score 4 out of 10.

4 out of 10 means I won’t #veganCheat for chicken tenders because I’ve found a suitable replacement. Anything under 5 really, when you get right down to it… anything under 5 is quite good.

Panera Raspberry Dressing makes me fall

Honey I’m home!

Honey. Everyone loves honey. We dream of bathing in milk and honey. Golden honey, golden like the sun. Sweet honey, sweet like a field of flowers. Honey is amazing, honey is heaven sent, honey is not vegan. FML! #BeeLivesMatter

So, it’s early on in my Vegan life and I’m still learning what I can and can’t eat. I knew I’d have items at home that I’d need to pitch. To be honest, salad dressing wasn’t on the top of my list. To be perfectly honest, it never even crossed my mind.  Who thinks about what’s in your salad dressing? It goes on salad, it must be good for you, right?

I love this dressing and in a desperate attempt to hang on to anything sweet, I took a nervous look at the bottle and… DANG! Now I know why I love this dressing so much… it’s got honey. Oh fine! Sure! It’s got to have honey. #FML #SweetSorrow

Dang it! V for vegetarian, not vegan. It is DF (dairy free) so that’s good, but it has honey. This. This is why I’m a fallen vegan. I love honey.

Dang it, dang it, dang it! I feel like the bees know we like honey, so they make extra liquid gold for us thieving, no good, honey snatching humans.

Honey isn’t an easy give.

A “give” is something I’m willing to give up for the rest of my life. I don’t think I’m ok with saying no more honey forever and ever amen. It’s not a give, it’s a later. I’m not going to have it today, but later… yes.

That being said, honey isn’t an easy “later” either, but it’s do-able. Today it’s do-able. *sigh*

Honey: Fallen Score 7 out of 10

Cheat day once a week

Allow yourself a cheat day because if you know you’re going to do it, you might as well do it right! Eat a healthy protein and savor the flavors. I’m actually not a big fish gal, but I think that’s about to change. I’m going to try to eat fish once a month. Not fried fish planks, but natural fresh fish.

I’ll make my mother shrimp and everyone will be happy.

Fallen score: 6 out of 10

Veggies with Wedgies

 Searching for veggie dishes and… “Why Todd, why!?”

When I don’t want to cook

Being vegan is hard when I don’t feel like cooking.

When I just can’t bring myself to cook, I need a good cheese to spread on bread or crackers.  A little olive oil, some fruit and veg, I’m good to go. The only problem, I haven’t found a good vegan cheese yet.

I’ve heard tale of one fine cheese that may change my life. I hope it’s true, because I need to find a good vegan cheese pronto. I can do the no-meat-vegan, but the no-cheese part is killing me. I’ve heard treeline makes a good cheese. I need to head over to Whole Foods and try some fake cheese pronto.

 

Eating out… the trap is set

How do I enjoy having a vegan meal without seeming obvious?

Why would I want to avoid looking like an obvious vegan?
(Oh… hashtag that baby right up, #ObviousVegan)

I want to avoid the questions.

• Are you OK?
• Are you a judgemental vegan?
• Can I eat this in front of you?
• Have you lost any weight?
• Are you eating the right thing?
• Are you getting enough protein?
• Other silly questions.

I think I can swing eating vegetarian, but vegan is harder to pull off without setting off alarms.

TIP: Requesting a separate meals throws up all sorts of flags, so try to order the exact same item if someone else orders something vegan! That will be 2 garden salads with balsamic dressing.

We’ve all fallen…

I’m not a vegan, but one day I hope I can eat a vegan diet. Well, a 99.99% vegan diet.

OK, let’s be honest. It’s going to be a 90% vegan diet and 10% cheese diet.

I’m not even sure how to say it… is it be ‘a’ vegan or is it just being vegan? Is saying ‘a’ vegan making me sound like I’m 90 years old and trying to use the internet?

Why do I want to live a vegan lifestyle.

• FML, is being a vegan a lifestyle? Do I really need it to go down like that?
• Health – My health is shit. I need to get healthy before I die.
• Finances – Meat is expensive. Delish but expensive.
• Guilt – I made myself click away from a PETA video. (Bacon = Sadness)
• Fashion – I want to go shopping in a normal store for normal clothes.

My thoughts on being vegan.

I’m afraid of failure. Fallen Vegan should be enough of a heads up, but I feel attempting to be vegan 100% of the time seems like I’m setting myself up for failure. If I change the way I think about being on the diet. Thinking that I’ll fail, but my cheat will be vegetarian cheats and not meat cheats.

So when I fall, I’m being bad, but not bad bad. Ya know?

My ideas on being vegan – Year 0 Month 1: Being vegan is being angelic.

To go 100% vegan, you need to allow yourself to let go of who you were in the past and to let go of things you think you love. Freedom, you give up the freedom to eat anything.

Features – Once a month I’ll try something new

• fake cheese
• fake meat
• fake dairy
• fake bake
• fake more

So, if we’re all fallen… how the heck do I get back up?

Why fake meat won’t be in every meal

I love me some delish meat. I’m very early on in my vegan experience, so I still have the taste for blood. A good thick steak sounds amazing… and a little icky too. (Whew! Glad I was able to dredge up a little meat shame.)

If I’m going to be a good vegan, I need to think outside the box. Entire meals without meat are not only possible, but desirable. I just have to make them, and photograph them, and maybe even film them, just a little.

Types of general meals:

• pasta
• salad
• stew
• soup
• grilled
• grains
• beans
• pizza – Nom-nom!
• other nom-noms

Bread and butter

There is only one butter in my life. It’s Earth Balance Original.

Butter: Fallen score 1* out of 10

*1 out of 10 is almost as good as it gets. I won’t fall for butter anymore. Earth Balance works so well I’ll never fall for butter again.

Bread.

I know I need to work on this one.

IS BREAD VEGAN? I suppose unless I know it’s been made without eggs, I can’t say yes. So, that means I need to locate vegan bread or I need to learn to bake with a quickness. I think I’ll try learning to bake.

To Do:
Things to add to my To Do list:

(I need to stop adding shit to my “To Do” list and start doing some of this shit, pronto!)

• Find baking 101 books – vegan baking.
• Check out vegan baking supplies at Whole Paycheck Foods.
• Get a bread maker? Is this even necessary?
• Learn to make vegan corn bread? OMG I love corn bread.
• Research why chickpea water = magic?
• Find or make fake mayo for sandwiches.

I’m going to research known vegan breads and I’ll report back with what’s available and affordable in my area.

#veganBread2K16

 

Fake Meat

I’ll be researching fake meat, cause I still loves me some delish meat.

• fake burgers
• fake chicken
• fake turkey
• fake meatballs
• fake other